Last week I didn’t publish my blog post. I’d had a hard week and initially thought I’ll just write about that and about self-care. But then it occurred to me; what I needed in that moment was to take care of myself. I’ve been disciplined with producing my posts once weekly, even in those initial months of divorce. I needed to be more realistic and flexible. I would give that advice to a friend so I needed to apply it to myself.

Looking back at my life, my usual pattern of handling things has been to keep trudging forward to honor my commitments, my responsibilities. Back when I was 45-yr-old and went through months of breast cancer treatment, I missed very little time from work. Some of that was because I was in a difficult environment where the threat of being “let go” was palpable. I couldn’t lose my job because I’d lose my health insurance. Even when it wasn’t a work day, I sometimes found it difficult to just let myself rest. It was hard to turn off that internal tape of things that needed to be done at home.

We all have times that are hard — whether due to physical illness or emotional stress. Sometimes I’ll think that I can just keep pushing forward. But if I do a check-in with, “What is my body telling me?” then I’ll get an honest answer. Last week’s was, “You’re tired, you’ve had an overwhelming week. Give yourself the grace of not having to do things as usual.” I felt immediate relief when I let that go and used some of the freed up time to sit in the quiet of my home and just breathe.

I always feel pulled to nature when I’m going through a tough time. Taking a walk is my number one way of coping. Last week I walked the Lake Pine Loop at the Apex Community Park. It was so peaceful on a weekday with just a moderate number of walkers on the perfect fall afternoon.

The benches were a tangible reminder to just sit and Be. There was no need to count my steps or pay attention to the mile markers. My primary desire wasn’t to push myself aerobically but to rest.

The trees had a grounding effect with their strong trunks and gorgeous silhouette against a deep blue sky, or “Carolina Blue” as we like to say. Observing them standing at attention through the seasons and through all my ups and downs is deeply comforting.

The other thing that helped was taking naps and going to bed earlier. I know how vulnerable I am when I’m tired. It’s best to recognize that and “give in” to the need for restorative sleep.

Looking back on the week, there were lots of helpful conversations with family and friends and ongoing support from my boyfriend. Those moments were balanced with needed time to be alone.

I found an article online that gets at a broader view of self-care than what I’ve described. In the article “5 Types of Self-Care for Every Area of Your Life” by Elizabeth Scott, PhD, she includes a list of types of self-care for different needs:

• Physical self-care: Activities like exercise, a healthy diet, staying hydrated, healthcare access, and sufficient sleep
• Mental self-care: Engaging in nature, hobbies, learning, meditation, mindfulness, and therapy
• Emotional self-care: Setting boundaries, expressing feelings, and pursuing activities that bring joy
• Social self-care: Spending time with loved ones, volunteering, and nurturing relationships
• Spiritual self-care: Reflecting on values, finding purpose, practicing religion, expressing gratitude, and connecting with nature

I don’t know what things are like for you at this time. My hope is that you’ll be able to find what you need to care for yourself, to give the grace that you’d supply for others.

Best to you,

Connie