Life in Pictures: Looking Back while Moving Forward

This week I reached the final phase of cleaning out the clutter from my life: tackling boxes of photographs. When we first started out as a family, I kept our photos organized in albums. But soon that became impossible for me with raising kids and working– so the pictures went into boxes. Over the years of double print photos developed at Eckerd’s, we accumulated quite a few. Once we started using digital photography, there were photos on my phone that I never organized into folders. I guess some things don’t change!

Last December I’d read Marie Kondo’s book, Spark Joy. Her advice was to save sentimental items until last “as the final step in your campaign”–which is how she refers to putting your house in order. What’s been different for me, is that I’ve been putting a house divided into order– separating out what belongs to us individually versus what my husband and I shared. Instead of having one stack of photos for us as parents, I now need to divide our pictures from over forty years.

I’d waited until the move and Divorce Mediation were behind me so I’d have energy to go through pictures. My goal was that each family member would have a collection of photos that showed the story of our life.

I found myself looking back at the photos and thinking how different things are now from what I’d expected. Life in pictures presents a one dimensional take of that moment in time; behind the photos are forces that were at play at that time which we didn’t realize. We look back at photos of people we should have told the truth to, friends that disappeared after a season, gatherings that were more filled with tension than fun. We also see the love of those we held close that we didn’t fully appreciate at the time, now wishing we could say more directly how much they meant to us.

Going through the boxes of photos, I felt grateful for the things that had been central in our life: our extended family, church family, and involvement in sports, scouting, and school. I saw how present Mama was in my boys’ lives– often blowing out birthday candles with them, giving rides in the cart behind her lawn mower, attending their honor courts and band recitals. So many pictures that showed her love.

fullsizeoutput_1536

Mama teaching Brooks to drive a lawn mower while Ross rode with me in the cart

I saw the love that my in-laws had for us, especially their grandsons, that overwhelming grandparent love. I feel a kindred spirit with them, now understanding that joy from my two grandsons.

fullsizeoutput_154c

Mountain trip with DB before he became sick in 1990

There are bittersweet photos like one of the last pictures taken with my Daddy. It was the summer after I graduated from college and before he died suddenly of a heart attack in December. Looking at the photo, I remember that good place we were in, with me more mature and less ‘sassy’ and Daddy proud that I was working as a nurse and supportive of me dating David–who met with Daddy’s approval. I remember how he smiled when he saw us dancing to Chattanooga Choo Choo by the Glenn Miller Band in that same den–pulling back the gold and brown braided rug and swing dancing to ‘Daddy’s music.’

fullsizeoutput_1538

August 1977

Like others who are going through divorce, perhaps it’s most difficult to choose which pictures to save that represent the marriage; which ones were true and when did those images change? Many I keep, knowing that our family grew out of us as a couple and there are good memories that shouldn’t be lost: our early days as a couple, five years in South Carolina during graduate school, vacations with our boys, weekend trips with extended family, sons reaching milestones of graduating high school and college, receiving Eagle Scout awards, confirmation at Evergreen Methodist, Brooks and Emily’s wedding.

The photos that are hardest, are the ones with my weight at its highest. I look back with regret and think to myself, “Why didn’t I see that and change it at the time?” I also notice that in many of those pictures I appeared tired– stressed by a too-busy life, sleep deprivation, and not enough focus on myself–that’s how I think of it in hindsight. I tore up some of those pictures that were too painful to view.

And now, in reading Spark Joy, I see that was probably the right thing to do.

Marie Kondo advises to “take each photo in your hands and keep only those that spark joy.” She points out that one of her clients only kept pictures in which she looked good. ( p. 227)

Some people leave this going through things for their children to inherit after they’re gone. Mama had never culled through her sentimental items and boxes of photos– and left them for her three daughters. But the advantage of doing this now, is that I get to look at my life in review and process the ending of our marriage and moving forward to my next chapter.

It also affords me the chance to collect more blackmail photos to use as needed with my sons.

When Brooks married in 2012, I had collected prize photos that I used in his ‘roast’ at the rehearsal dinner. What sweet payback that was! Now he is dealing with the tantrums of a two-year-old while in the midst of his sleep-deprived days with their infant son. I found one photo that I’ll show him of how he and Ross presented similar challenges for us. While I’d turned to answer the wall phone back in 1986 when Ross was about 3 months old, Brooks took it upon himself to diaper his brother and shower him with baby powder.

IMG_4518

Brooks taking care of brother

There are many stories from our life in pictures. Some of them need to be left in the past, and some of them need to be carried forward. In the days ahead, there will be new photos as the next chapters unfold.

May we look back at our pictures with gentleness and acceptance– knowing that each has a place in the story of our life.

 

12 thoughts on “Life in Pictures: Looking Back while Moving Forward

  1. What a wonderful reminder. My parents are working with a videographer right now to document their lives and their legacy. I think it’s important to do these things for posterity. Also it’s good to look back, to see how far we’ve come, what’s changed and what hasn’t. Our sense of self is affected by our experiences and circumstances. Taking the time to think about that carefully is a worthy endeavor. Love and hugs to you! ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hey Abigail,
      Thanks so much for reading. That’s great that your parents are documenting their lives. I wish I had that from my parents– to hear them again and to keep their perspective over the years and generations.. I like what you said,, “Our sense of self is affected by our experiences and circumstances.” That is so true and is a great reminder of how we formed our views of the world. I value your perspective, Abigail.
      Best to you and your family. Love and Hugs back!
      Connie

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I love the story of dancing to Glenn Miller in the den. That is priceless. I also like the one of
    Brooks diapering and powdering. Ross.

    Like

    • Hey Julia,
      I’m so glad that you liked this post. I really struggled with it but eventually pushed through to the final ‘product.’
      I wish you the best as you move forward– with the uncertainty and excitement of entering a new season.
      Connie

      Liked by 1 person

  3. This post got me to thinking about the manner that I handle the past with the memories. The first thing was that I never really latched on to anything that would nurture emotion, Every memory has its place and the many sentiments to accompany the time. Come to find out that the emotions were never there and all of life became another experience. With this thought. I believe that all we have is the memory with the choice to acknowledge the emotions. You have put the effort to catalog the life of an entity into a beautiful story about your emotion. This is quite pleasing to me to see.
    Best to you as you make your way to your “way”. Blessing to you.

    Like

    • Hey John,
      Thanks so much for reading and pondering this post. I like what you say about we have a “choice to acknowledge the emotions.” I think we’re only able to do that to the degree that we’re able to handle those emotions. Like my weight gain that glared at me in my pictures, I couldn’t see it then because I didn’t have the energy, the needed internal resources, to change it at the time.
      Now, with hindsight and allowing for more of God’s grace and gentleness, I can look at that time and forgive myself– at least for the large part.
      Wishing you the grace to return to those memories at the right time for you.
      Connie

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Aaah…photographs… The best thing ever, and the worst thing ever! But mainly good, I think, because some of the things that one remembers only vaguely, can be brought to life again when you look at the pictures. After my divorce, I grabbed all the albums, because photographs have never been important to my ex. I was always the one to take pics, have them developed and put into albums. It is a good thing to go through them all, I think. I’m sure it helps to sort things out in one’s mind…

    Like

    • Hey Zelmare,
      Like you, and probably like most wives, I did the picture taking, developing, and storing. My almost-ex valued them but never had the time–as if I really did!
      I agree that it does help to sort through things in your mind–and hopefully that helps to move on with less clutter in our minds–for the future.
      Best to you and thanks for reading and sharing your response.
      Connie

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.