It’s that time of year when folks are nailing down plans for the summer. My daughter-in-law, Emily is scheduling summer camps and family vacation–often what the mother does; I remember that phase. I signed up for a few days of “Grammy camp” to fill in my grandsons’ vacancies. Meanwhile, people have started asking me if I’m going on a trip this year, one of my Solo Journeys. Because much of my writing in my memoir and blog posts have focused on those trips, I think my readers expect this. Some have told me that they don’t want to travel but do ‘armchair travel’ through me.

At the end of February, when I was thinking about my plan for this year, I wrote this in my post:

“the urge to take a solo journey hit me when I was on my morning walk. I’d been busy in January with my writing and then back-to-back weekends of ice then snow put me in a hibernating mode. But on that walk, with the air feeling like spring, the thought of setting out on a journey produced a spark of energy. Years ago when I took my Life Coaching class, we were advised to help our clients pay attention to their physical reaction to an idea–to use that response to help when making a decision.” Solo Journey: The Seed of an Idea

My energy at that time focused on traveling to Anniston, Alabama and riding my bike on a new Rail-Trail. It would be an 8-hr drive from my home. I’d rent a car for that five-day trip and an Airbnb cottage in that quaint town. But since celebrating my 71st birthday at the end of March, gas prices increasing, and going through the loss of my cousin, I’ve reconsidered my plan. I don’t have a need to go out of the country like I did 2 years ago when I walked the Camino. Nor do I want to fly anywhere in the US.

After my cousin, Betty died, I called our cousin, Shirley in Toledo, Ohio to let her know. Shirley is ten years older than me and Betty was sixteen years older. While Betty had lived in the same hometown as me, Shirley grew up in New Jersey and we didn’t see her often. On my Solo Journey to Michigan in 2014, I was intentional in planning my trip around a visit with Shirley–something I’d never done before. That visit was rich with long talks over morning coffee and evening glasses of wine; there was so much I didn’t know about her and so many ways I learned that we were alike. When I told Shirley about Betty’s death, part of Shirley’s sadness was that she hadn’t been down to visit us in North Carolina in many years. She felt bad that she hadn’t seen Betty and wouldn’t recognize her children.

I’m fortunate to have a therapist that I can talk with about all these life issues. In the wake of my grief over Betty and my consideration of a trip, I brought up how my view of traveling was beginning to shift. With life seeming to pass more quickly, with increasing illnesses and deaths of loved ones as we age, what was my priority now for where I wanted to travel?

I was grateful for my therapist’s perspective:

“When we’re young, much of our travel is for novelty and adventure. But as we grow older, and have had those experiences, our travel may be based more on building relationships.” He gave an example of how he’d made friends when he led conferences in England. One of those friends was from Germany and my therapist had visited him there–at first exploring that country. But over the years, those trips to Germany were just about the friendship; there was no longer the need for exploration only building that relationship. ( this is my paraphrase of how I remember my therapist’s response 🙂 )
Now, I think about the summer and my biggest desire is to build the relationships that mean the most to me. Our family has been blessed with a ‘bumper crop’ of babies this year. I want to take short trips within the state to visit my new Great nephew and Great nieces. I want to hold those precious little ones, to see my nephews in their features.

My older sister, Harriet, who’s lived near me for over thirty years, is relocating to the mountains. I want to visit her and her family in her new home, to drink coffee on their porch overlooking the hills.

I have trips planned with my boyfriend, Chris to visit his mother in Erie, PA. He’s been intentional about traveling back to see her several times a year. When I was a young woman, I heard it said that you can “judge a man by how well he treats his mother.” Chris has regular, long phone conversations with his mother. He makes visiting her a priority and completes her to-do list of home repairs. He’s a good son, a good man. Traveling to Erie with him deepens his relationship with his Mom and with me.

What trips are you planning this year? What destinations spark your energy? Are their people with whom you’d like to deepen your relationship?

I wish you the best as you look ahead and discern what’s the right path for you.

Connie