A year ago, I was in Porto, Portugal in the days before I’d step onto the Portuguese Coastal Path of the Camino. I’d had the dream of walking the Camino for twelve years, since I’d seen the movie The Way. That desire had been pushed down and other journeys had filled my life until it was the right time to fulfill that dream. A series of clues led me to finding the company Prayerful Path out of Atlanta, Georgia. They sponsored pilgrimages to various sacred sites including to the Cathedral of St. James in Santiago, in the northwest corner of Spain.

The timing seemed right as I was retired and could spend the three weeks in August for the trip; before, I would have been heading back to my school nursing position after my summer break. While I’d gone on many trips alone, 17 solo journeys at that point, I wanted to walk the Camino with a small group. Prayerful Path had a focus on faith and their intention was to provide group fellowship as well as individual time to nurture spiritual growth. All seemed to be going as planned until the message I got from Mary Maddox, the director, thirty days before I was to leave.

“No one else has signed up for the trip,” she said. “Guess God intends for you to go alone, Connie.”

Ironic, I thought. The year I wanted to go with others, I’d have to go solo. She offered that I could wait, they would possibly have another Coastal Camino group in the next year. I considered that option, especially since I’d never traveled in Portugal or Spain and couldn’t speak Portuguese or Spanish. It would be easier to navigate with others which may even include Mary, who’d been many times. How nice it would be to have that support and to get to know others during those 14 days.

Should I wait or should I go?

Lots of factors went through my mind. My health was good and at 69-yr-old, you started to see more potential for health problems. Two years before, I’d had pneumonia and I experienced how quickly you could go from being healthy to feeling you’d been pulled under. It had taken months after that illness to regain my stamina. With my plan to walk the Camino in August, I’d started building up my endurance the preceding October, following a timeline of longer hikes and strengthening exercises; I was feeling ready by the time Mary sent that email. Did I want to keep training until the next year?

My calendar was free of appointments for August, free of promises to help out with my grandkids, free of plans with the man I’d been dating. My family members were not experiencing health issues that would make being out of the country an issue. For years, I wouldn’t have been comfortable leaving for three weeks because of those concerns.

It felt like the window of opportunity had opened for walking the Camino. I’d had heightened focused on learning about the experience from new friends in the Raleigh Chapter of American Pilgrims on the Camino. I’d done lots of reading online and revisiting books I’d bought years before when I first learned about that ancient pilgrims’ path. Part of me felt like I needed to go through that window, even if it was alone, because I didn’t feel I could sustain that level of preparation until the following year.

I made the decision to go. It would be my 18th Solo Journey.

Now, I reread the journal entries from last August on the Camino. They’re filled with the highs and lows of walking alone: time of uninterrupted reflection, facing challenges without the help of fellow walkers, greater dependence on the prayers of my family and friends, hours of sorting out my life.

Recently I picked up a book I’d purchased five years ago: Discernment: Reading the Signs of Daily Life by Henri Nouwen (with Michael J. Christensen and Rebecca J. Laird). I’ve been a fan of Henri Nouwen’s for his clear, perceptive way of interpreting the life of faith. In Chapter Ten “Know the Time: When to Act, When to Wait, When to Be Led” the thing that speaks to me now is his description of kairos time -the fullness of time, of God’s presence. This is different from chronos time that is quantitative, sequential, and linear.

While I could have waited to go on the Camino, the predictable days and months of the linear calendar unfolding, I felt that I was in the fullness of time; the dream had been planted, I’d waited, prepared, and it was the moment that I was to go forth; now was the time to act on that dream that had been gestating.

This summer has been very different from last. My son had surgery on his arm and shoulder mid-July and he needed my help. I spent precious days helping him while his right arm was in a sling: filling the ice machine, driving my grandsons to daycare and camp, being my son’s Uber driver to work. I’ll have “Grammy days” in the next couple of weeks, taking care of my grandsons before they head back to school. My relationship with the man in my life has continued and now I think it would be a lot harder to be away for three weeks 🙂 I see Facebook posts from friends who’re traveling in Europe, and while I’m happy for them, my experience last August was so intense that I don’t feel the urge or the energy to plan another trip, at least not right now.

Looking back, I’m glad I made the decision to go through that window of opportunity last summer. When you feel that urge, that pressing need to take action, I think you need to follow it. You never know if it will open again or if your circumstances will be advantgeous in the future.

That’s what I’ve learned about kairos time. I wish you the best in discerning what’s best in your life.

Connie