This is my Birthday Eve. At 2:10 a.m. I’ll roll over into a new year and a new decade of my life. I’ve been preparing for this, reading and pondering what it means to be seventy. The book that’s been most instructive is Ageless Soul: The Lifelong Journey Toward Meaning & Joy by Thomas Moore (copyright 2017).

Yesterday I celebrated with my sisters and two of my cousins. We have a tradition of going out to eat on each person’s birthday. My younger sister, Peggy and I share having ours in March. My older sister, Harriet made the cake that we requested: a homemade poundcake with buttercream icing. We asked for it to be “made like Mama’s.” Harriet found a recipe in her well-worn Shallow Well Church cookbook. It was too delicious 🙂 !

In the card I received from Peggy, she wrote, “I do remember our birthdays being special — Mama making a cake, then in later years, Mama always picking a special card.” I have a stack of those cards and cherish how she would underline words and write how she loved me. Seeing her handwriting and remembering how she would be the early morning phone call to sing “Happy Birthday to You” brings happy tears. That was the only time we ever heard our mother sing.

I think back to our early years living in Daddy’s Homeplace, our two-story farmhouse on a hundred acres. I remember one birthday when the neighbor kids came over to help me celebrate, singing “Happy Birthday” then eating the layer cake Mama had made and skillfully decorated. How I loved being outside on those early spring days in North Carolina. The spirea bushes that grew around the house had bursted into bloom, their branches like a trailing bridal veil of white flowers, their sweetness most intense after it rained.

I look back at these pictures and remember my love of living on the farm. I especially enjoyed those summer days of playing under the huge trees, making camps in the woods, and running around barefoot because it was hot in the South, because we could.

When I look at this picture of me, I recognize that girl that’s still inside. I read this passage in Moore’s book:

“Sensing your Old Age and your Youth at the same time is a signal that you’re aging well. You can enjoy the Benefits of Both.” (p 1)

Like all children, we thought those carefree days of our youth would last forever. We couldn’t wait to be older and had a child’s view of the simple challenges of the teenagers and adults we watched. Thankfully, the land I grew up on and the deep family roots, grounded me for the increasing responsibility of my high school and college years. One of our family’s proudest days was when my older sister and I both graduated from UNC- Chapel Hill, me with my B.S. in Nursing and Harriet with a Masters in Social Work.

There were many times I wondered if I’d make it through nursing school. My confidence wasn’t what it should be and my fear of failure loomed large. I was so thankful that Mama and Daddy were there that gorgeous day to witness how their daughters benefitted from their encouragement and respect for education — even though they hadn’t gone to college. We didn’t know that day that we would lose Daddy to a heart attack that December. He wouldn’t be in my wedding pictures, proudly walking me down the aisle.

Those first months after graduation, working at N.C. Memorial Hospital, were both rewarding and terrifying. The patients on my Gastroenterology/Hematology floor were acutely ill. I remember walking to the cafeteria for my dinner break and seeing the cleaning staff, thinking, “You’re lucky you can’t kill anybody in your work.” The worry of hanging blood products and chemotherapy, the patients potentially having a fatal allergic reaction, miscalculations of medication doses etc were part of what weighed me down– despite the compulsive checking that I did as an R.N.

My faith was part of what sustained me during that first year, during the transition from graduate nurse to passing the Nursing Board Exams and immediately being the R.N. in charge. I prayed often — to stay alert, catch any errors, and not kill any of my patients.

In looking back, my twenties were some of the hardest and richest time in my life. During those years, I was establishing my career which later led me into an area of nursing that better suited me — psych/mental health. I married, completed graduate school, and we had our first son, Brooks right before I turned thirty — and then our younger son, Ross less than two years later. What a busy life we had working and raising our boys. Now, I see Brooks and daughter-in-law, Emily raising their two sons and trying to maintain a “work-life balance” which we never heard of back in ‘our day’. 🙂 There’s no greater accomplishment in my life than my two sons.

In that picture on their wedding day, I couldn’t see ahead to the two sons Emily and Brooks would give to our family. Living near them, I was able to keep both grandsons during their first few years — something that I never dreamed would happen. Now, they bring me so much unimaginable joy.

I didn’t know that taking care of Baker and Parks would help me cope with my unforeseen divorce. Our family dealt with the challenges of that disruption and while we lost our marriage, we didn’t lose our family. It hasn’t been the ideal, “Hallmark family” that I’d envisioned; instead, we’ve grown through embracing what is. As a result of becoming single again at age sixty-five, I have revisited those earlier days in my twenties and have had to learn all over again about dating and building a new relationship.

This reminds me of another of Moore’s statements:

“The resurrecting of youth in Older Years may simply happen. You don’t have to manufacture it, but you do have to Welcome it, Receive it, and Allow it to influence How You Live. Welcome the Invitations that Life Offers You.” (p 36)

As a Baby Boomer, I didn’t expect the invitation to a single life. And I imagine there are invitations that you didn’t expect in your life — whether it’s at an advanced age or as a younger person. And no matter where you are on this life spectrum, I think this final quote from Moore offers wisdom and hope:

“Age offers Good Things and Bad Things

And so we need to appreciate the value

Of an Imperfect Life.

Wishing you all the best,

Connie