Today is Valentine’s Day and the time of year I go back to Mama and Daddy’s letters to remind me of their special relationship. I love pulling out the box of letters and seeing their handwriting as they maintained their steady flow of communication in the late forties. It wasn’t easy to pick up a phone then and if they could have done that, I wouldn’t have these artifacts to hold in my hands all these years later.

I read them and look for the characteristics that made their relationship last over time. There was no doubt in my mind that Daddy and Mama truly loved each other. They met when Mama worked with Daddy’s sister, Polly at Pope Air Field during WWII. When Daddy returned from the war, he took care of the Rosser family farm where he lived with his mother and Polly. After working at Pope Field, Mama moved to Kansas City and then to Atlanta to work with Eastern Airlines. Then she returned to NC and lived in Raleigh, working downtown at the S & W Cafeteria and lived in a rooming house with other young women her age. In their letters, Mama and Daddy they often talked about their work, family they hoped to see, and plans for the upcoming weekend.

One thing that’s clear from their letters is they always used words of endearment with each other and Mama “Mary E.” punctuated hers with lipstick kisses.

Daddy didn’t hold his feelings back either. I was touched by how forthcoming he was about how he felt about Mama, “his redhead.” There is no stringing her along, no hint of him being calculating and strategic– in contrast to how dating can be these days.

Daddy had a pattern of writing Mama every Tuesday evening — so he could post it by Wednesday and she would receive it in time to make a weekend plan. But in one of the letters he’d obviously written it Sunday evening– right after he’d seen Mama, and mailed it on Monday. In Mama’s letter of response, she noted how she was surprised to receive it early– then went on to provide the reason Daddy had sent it then.

When she says “Sure you are forgiven- I didn’t think that you thought about it before you said it”

When I read that, I said to myself, “Daddy, what did you say?”

While Daddy was sweet and loving, he could also be impatient, perfectionistic, and say things that were critical. He was often tired from working so hard– keeping the farm going and working other jobs. I think there are times he could have said things that came out of being worn down,

In that letter, and over the years of observing my parents I’d say this:

Daddy was quick to apologize and Mama was quick to forgive.

Sometimes I wanted Mama to speak up for herself but that wasn’t her way; She believed in keeping the peace, and many times, she was right. Sometimes, though, I think she should have been more forthcoming about her feelings behind her silence.

Daddy and Mama always worked together as a team. Whether it was Daddy growing the garden and Mama canning and freezing the produce, or trimming the roses and hedges in the yard– they complimented each other in running our household.

In reading Daddy’s letter dated Jan 31, 1950 he spoke of preparing for their wedding on Feb 26th of that year– which was his 30th birthday. My father– farmer and carpenter was reading a book on wedding etiquette. He tells Mama that he hopes they can do it all because he wouldn’t want someone to criticize the way it was carried out. I like that Daddy cared that much about the wedding and didn’t just consider it his bride’s responsibility– especially in 1950.

Throughout their letters, there’s teasing and lighthearted banter; they both have a sense of humor. In one letter, Daddy says that his sister, Polly is keeping watch on when he comes in from seeing Mama– noting that Daddy had come in late.

Daddy tells Mama, “I think you need to straighten Polly out about this because

“You always send me home early, don’t you, darling?”

My Aunt Polly always had a sense of humor and loved teasing– so I can imagine this conversation with her little brother and Mama — who’d become Polly’s good friend at Pope Field.

The ability to laugh at things in life helps every couple through the ups and downs of life; I think that was true for Mama and Daddy.

I’m glad for another Valentine’s Day when I can look at my parent’s 27 years together and see the things that made then a strong, loving couple.

My hope for you is that you’ll find whatever makes yours a lasting love.

Connie