Last Sunday was the first in the Advent season of the Christian Calendar, a time of waiting for the birth of the Messiah–the incarnate God who would walk this Earthly journey. People of other faiths have their own traditions that are special at this or other times of year. When we’re in these seasons of observance, celebrating what we hold dear, and experience loss it will always be linked with the holiday.

My post from last December, Christmas Time: Loss and Longing still resonates:

“As much as popular and traditional songs celebrate this being “the most wonderful time of the year,” it’s not just that; loss and longing can be as much a part of the holidays as “tidings of comfort and joy.”

In the past weeks, I’ve felt the impact of loss from family and friends who are dealing with grief. My cousin is facing her first Christmas without her husband of 63 years. My friend is dealing with breast cancer treatment and the loss of how she’s known herself–as that bubbly blond who will be losing her hair. And most tragic of all, the music community I’ve been part of at the Blue Note Grill in Durham, lost Gabe, a very talented and personable guy who died by suicide; his death has left that close community of musicians, dancers, and appreciative listeners with a huge void.

Since I was a junior in college, I’ve known some of the impact of suicide. While I was home on winter break from nursing school, our family was awoken by a 6:00 a.m. phone call. I listened to my father’s footsteps going down the hall to the phone in our den. I thought it could be bad news about my grandmother—since she was the oldest member of our family. But Daddy’s responses didn’t sound like it was Grandma Smith.

When he put the phone back on the receiver, he turned to us. “It’s Randy Rosser,” Daddy said. “They found him dead this morning. He killed himself.”

I couldn’t believe his words. How could that sweet, dimpled-face boy of 16, the same age as my little sister, have taken his own life?

Over the weeks and months and years that followed, our community watched his parents and two brothers fall apart. Six years later when I was working as a nurse, I decided to specialize in Psychiatric/Mental Health Nursing. In retrospect, I think the impact of that suicide made me want to help people suffering with depression, to do what I could to prevent suicide and the devastation it causes. In the later years of my career as a School Nurse, I taught the 8th grade health classes on mental health and took a course to be a Trainer in Mental Health First Aid; the goal was to help staff recognize symptoms of depression and to respond as needed.

What I know is that many people experience depression. According to the Cleveland Clinic, around 1 in 6 people experience depression in their lifetime–but that’s assumed to be a low estimate as many people do not seek help. https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/9290-depression. This site has a thorough lists of symptoms and explains different forms of depression and treatment options. It offers hope as well as realistic information on preventing and managing depression.

“With proper diagnosis and treatment, the vast majority of people with depression live healthy, fulfilling lives. Depression can return after you get treatment, though, so it’s important to seek medical help as soon as symptoms begin again.”

A group that’s been a resource for many years is NAMI–the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill https://www.nami.org/support-education/support-groups/ and can assist in finding individual treatment and support groups. Since I first began working in mental health, people have shared more openly on public forums about their struggles with depression–as well as other mental health challenges; that’s helped confront the issue of stigma that’s been associated with mental health compared to the open acknowledgement of physical health problems.

When I worked with staff to recognize depression, we instructed them to not be afraid to speak candidly with that person about concerning behaviors. We told them to ask, “Are you feeling like you could harm yourself, kill yourself?” Asking the question does not put the idea into the depressed person’s head. Rather it would show concern, that you take them seriously. The tendency when someone is severely depressed is to isolate, to shut down. To reach out is to try and break that wall down by extending a caring hand.

If you or someone you know is in immediate need of help, the best resource I found online is 988 Lifeline http://988lifeline.org. They offer a suicide and crisis lifeline, by phone call or text, 24 hours/day, free of charge. This is their message on their website:

“At the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, we understand that life’s challenges can sometimes be difficult. Whether you’re facing mental health struggles, emotional distress, alcohol or drug use concerns, or just need someone to talk to, our caring counselors are here for you. You are not alone.”

My hope for this holiday season is that each of us can be present to those around us, seeing that person and sitting in that space of whatever they’re dealing with. That’s the best present anyone can give. If we can all allow ourselves to be open with others, sharing our own vulnerabilities, it’ll be easier for people to be honest when they’re struggling.

We all have times in our lives when we need this kind of support. If we can openly acknowledge that therapy, support groups or other forms of treatment are great options–then we can help decrease lingering stigma. There have been any number of times in my life when I could have used a therapist. When I went through a divorce after forty years of marriage, I knew I couldn’t face that alone; my therapist has helped and I’m mentally and emotionally healthier for having taken advantage of that service.

And finally I end with this note from the Cleveland Clinic:

“Depression is a common condition that affects millions of people every year. Anyone can experience depression — even if there doesn’t seem to be a reason for it. The good news is that depression is treatable. If you have symptoms of depression, talk to your healthcare provider. The sooner you get help, the sooner you can feel better.”

There is Hope.

Blessings to you during this Holiday Season,

Connie