Last night, I enjoyed Halloween with my grandsons, Baker 6 y.o. and Parks 4 y.o. I felt fortunate that Baker had asked me the week before, “Grammy, will you go trick-or-treating with us?” Fortunate, because he lives within a thirty minute drive and secondly because he wants me to join in with the group that includes friends and their families. I’ve seen how much he’s changed in first grade—appearing like a third-grader at times, and I know he will grow out of wanting a grandmother along in not so many years.

¹When we walked through his neighborhood, I was struck by the passing of time. I’d been with him his first Halloween when he was dressed as a football–a sweet blob of a baby in a fury brown costume. I’d gone with him three years ago when he and his friend would hesitantly walk up to the houses with scary motorized skeletons and witches. Last year, Parks was the one who was hesitant at those houses and would go up close enough to get the candy if I went with him. This year, he assessed the spooky porch scenes and then determined it wasn’t real and climbed the steps eagerly to receive his candy.

How my sweet grandsons had changed in such a short amount of time.

I wanted to just enjoy the present moment on a perfect fall night, taking time to notice the trees that have changed colors, the sounds of crunching leaves, and squealing children. A grandfather, who’d also been in our party last year, and I talked about all the changes in our grandsons since the last Halloween. I found myself trying to memorize the scene of our group walking through the community. Folks were in great spirits calling out “Happy Halloween!” and thanking the homeowners who’d put a lot of effort in their yard displays that delighted the kids.

Walking next to my son, Brooks and watching his boys enjoying their night with friends, we remembered Halloweens long ago. Brooks recalled how he and his younger brother, Ross trick-or-treated together in our neighborhood when they were young. They got to experience other neighborhoods with their friends when they were older. It was a bittersweet conversation, the feeling of time pressing in and now these cowboys are 39 and 38 years old;

In thinking about how to handle these poignant memories that can flood us at times, I searched for resources. I found a blog post, “How to Embrace Grief and Joy in the Passage of Time” by therapist, Sheryl Lisa Finn who specializes in dealing with anxiety. In that blog edition, she was addressing the ache within herself with her older son leaving for college. She lists eight areas that she says highly sensitive people attune to from what she’s heard from her clients. The eighth one on her list is “an acute awareness of children growing up.“

“Why are we so tuned in to the passage of time? Because we’re attuned to loss. And because time is a continual cycle of loss and renewal, we feel the passage of time daily in the deepest places of our hearts.” https://conscious-transitions.com/how-to-embrace-the-grief-and-joy-in-the-passage-of-time/

“But when we learn to open our hearts and feel the grief that is a daily part of life – learning how to follow its wisdom and channel it into tears or breath or poetry or dance – we also learn that being so deeply connected to loss means we’re connected to love. For loss and love live in the same pocket of the heart.”

Finn goes on to talk about how to grieve, the dance of grief and gratitude, and the stages of transition.

“if we can keep our hearts open – we’re also more available to joy. Life, then, becomes more precious in the best sense of that word. Dancing between loss and love, we discover what it is to be fully alive.”

Finn remembers back on her college-bound son being a young boy, playing in the creek and says a prayer of gratitude that she experienced the joy of being his mother. I can identify with her, remembering Brooks and Ross playing at the creek near our home, and now, watching my two grandsons growing up, feeling gratitude for another generation of life. To experience all this is to feel fullness and loss over the years. The times we have together are gifts and I’ll seek to dwell in gratitude and let the loss dance through me.

Blessings to you as you deal with daily losses and feel gratitude for daily joys.

Connie