This online dating journey has placed many interesting guys in my path. Last spring, I got a Like from “Ted” who had a nice profile with recent pictures that showed him with various friends and family members. He listed the activities he enjoyed that included playing and listening to music and my personal favorite, dancing. We messaged back and forth over a period of a couple of weeks– that inefficient pattern that seems so common with online dating; a paragraph from him one day, I’d answer within the day, and then three or four days later–his next response. What would take ten minutes to say in person can drag out over a week with a lot of guys on the sites. At least Ted’s messages showed personality, style, and were filled with interesting points about music. I soon learned he’d been a professional musician for over twenty years.
What he loved were the Blues. I’d only recently come to understand that the songs that I felt the most connected to when dancing were often Blues numbers. Once Ted knew this, he told me artists that I “must hear,” those he’d heard in concert and followed for years. The main ones included Joe Bonamassa, Joss Stone, and Keb Mo.
Early on in our messaging, he suggested since we both lived in Durham, we’d have to hear music in a local club. That sounded good to me; it had been so long since I’d done anything like that–especially since we’d been in lock down with the pandemic.
After we’d been messaging for a couple of weeks, we agreed to have a phone conversation; that felt like a forward progress.
We talked easily for two hours–that guy who was from Queens, NY and this Southern woman. Besides our mutual love of music, he had a strong relationship with his children and had been a mental health/crisis-line volunteer. He ended the conversation with,”We’ll have to go out soon, Connie. I’ll text you in the next week and we’ll make plans.”
That sounded good to me.
I listened to all the artists he’d recommended and one of the songs by Joe Bonamassa, “Drive” had become my favorite. The beginning of the song goes like this:
“Babe, you’ve been feeling poorly
I’ve been dealing with stress
Why don’t we go out tonight
Put on your favorite dress
And let’s drive
Into the night into the light
Let’s ride
Put on an old blues song
Let all our troubles be gone
And drive“
I imagined driving myself to meet Ted for our first date– always a safer option when you didn’t know someone. But after that, if everything went well, as I suspected it would, Ted could pick me up at my place.
I waited for that text, or maybe he’d actually phone me– which seemed to be an oddity for most of the online guys.
Ted didn’t text or call the next week or the next; soon afterwards, his pictures and profile were off the site.
You were never given an explanation with online dating; the guys were just gone and you filled in the blanks.
Slowly the dream of riding in his car at night and listening to Joe Bonamassa’s “Drive” faded away. I did continue to listen to the song when I was in the mood for the Blues. I added songs by Joss Stone and Keb Mo. Eventually, I felt the gift Ted gave me was getting to know the music of these artists that brought me joy and sometimes expressed my emotions better than I could.
While I didn’t get to ride in Ted’s car on a spring night with the windows down, singing into the cool fragrant air, he gave me the music that I would carry forward.
Now, hopeful romantic that I am, I believe that one day, I will ride into the night with the right one and “Drive” will be playing. The Blues can transport you from a place of seeing your troubles to a place where your soul connects and that lifts you to a higher place of hope; music is an incredible gift.
Connie Rosser Riddle 
Disappointing for sure. Are you going to post this on Facebook? Love Joe B. Always wanted to see him in person.
On Sat, Feb 5, 2022 at 8:09 PM Connie Rosser Riddle wrote:
> conniesedona317 posted: ” This online dating journey has placed many > interesting guys in my path. Last spring, I got a Like from “Ted” who had a > nice profile with recent pictures that showed him with various friends and > family members. He listed the activities he enjoyed that inc” >
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Hey Sandy,
Thanks so much for reading. Joe B is going to be in Durham at DPAC–actually on my birthday, March 22 of this year. WOW–huh?!
I have posted on FB–so hope it shows up for you there, too.
Best to you, Sandy.
Connie
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One of the things that I will never understand about online dating is this ghosting phenomenon – it happens all the time Connie and it is always deeply disappointing when it does.
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Hey Marie,
Yes, the ghosting does seem to happen on every site–from what I’ve experienced and what I’ve heard. My younger sister, who’s not doing online dating, feels there’s a societal trend toward ‘ghosting’–not being as accountable in relationships as we once were.
I don’t think people understand the personal impact of just disappearing with no explanation. It could harden you, making you cynical, or I guess we can choose to just see it as something that happens and move on.
Best to you, and others, Marie as we try to form meaningful relationships in our modern world.
Connie
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Thanks for including my post, Marie. Best to everyone who’s trying to figure out the world of online dating. It can be disappointing, but ultimately, I hope that we find the relationships we’re hoping for.
Connie
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I well remember those disappointments and the delays in communication. Sending love and hugs.
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Thanks, Abigail.
And as I remember, you held out hope and were rewarded by finding your love.
Best to you and your family.
Connie
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We both had lots of disastrous first and sometimes second dates before I “winked” at him.
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Nice that you both understand what it took to make it to each other!
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This was not an easy read for me. With your open mind and positive attitude, you seem to take all this in stride to never feel the pain of the outcome. I was able to relate to Ted as a musician. Somehow when you are playing whether the Blues, Rock, Classical or a Musical, the music is important without acknowledgment of those who are present to enjoy your craft. As a musician, you find yourself as an extended messenger of the person that crafted the notes and words if necessary, to convey a feeling. As always a great post. Love and Blessing to you with your Journey.
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Thanks, John.
I think you raise a good point; sometimes I gloss over the disappointment and pain–probably because it’s hard to stay with that. There have been many disappointments and pains on this journey— so I don’t mean to minimize them.
Ultimately, I’m forced to get up and move forward and find something that I gained from the experience–or it would have been a bigger loss.
Interesting to hear what it was like for you as a musician.
Take care,
Connie
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My intent is not to raise bad memories, in my assessments of your experiences. I do admire your strength and will to move forward. This is Great.
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You’re fine, John. The bad and good memories exist side-by-side for all of us. We grow and hopefully, we move forward.
Have a good week!
Connie
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