Sunday is March 22nd and my 71st Birthday. It’s hard to believe I’ve reached this point in life.

How could the past year have gone by so quickly? How could I be the same age as my mother was when I watched her be a grandmother? It seemed so far away when I was in mid-life and raising my two sons. Time stretched out before me with lots of milestones to reach–their high school and college graduations, those early years of their careers and me being the mother of adult-children, navigating those unchartered waters. It seems like just yesterday that my older son, Brooks and Emily got married–but that was in 2012 and they recently celebrated their 14th anniversary. Now their two sons are 5 and 7 and it’s hard to keep up with their fast changes and moving through elementary school at lightening speed.

I remember Mama and my mother-in-law, Mary Dell aka “MeMa” making these same kind of comments as they grew older. I realize that I’m part of an era, and now a senior citizen which I resisted saying for some years. Mama had a good attitude about life. When I asked her, “What was your favorite age?” I assumed she’d say her twenties because of all her adventures as a single woman working in the WWII effort. Her response surprised me.

“There’s no one time. All stages of life have their good things,” she said in her gentle and matter-of-fact way.

Looking back at her life as I knew it, she embraced every stage. She maintained her health through her seventies and especially enjoyed her grandchildren and traveling. Her roots were planted deeply in her community where she’d lived since marrying Daddy when she was twenty-six. Even in her eighties, as she began a slow decline with dementia, she always showed gratitude and engagement with life. Her stillness was rooted in her Christian faith. She was never one to exhibit anxiety or worry about the future. She also never went on a diet and was not vain about wrinkles or any other sign of aging. If anyone would have asked, she would have told her age without a second thought–unlike some women I knew who’d die before admitting their’s.

Now, I wonder if I’m remembering Mama–not only for her example of how to age without being old in spirit, but because I’ll still miss her calling to sing “Happy Birthday.” When the phone rang early on that day we knew it was Mama. That’s the only time she’d ever sing loud enough for you to hear her 🙂

I also carry the memory of her homemade birthday cakes. Those parties were simple gatherings of neighborhood kids that our busy mother always provided. The cake would have been a homemade yellow cake with buttercream frosting. She might have learned how to decorate it at one of her Home Demonstration Club meetings. Whatever she made always tasted good!

I miss talking with Mama and MeMa; you still need your mother no matter your age. It would have been nice to hear their calming voices when I first experienced that surreal disbelief of arriving at this age. I was fortunate to have them both for many years and still hold the wisdom they imparted from their long lives. I’m glad they didn’t hide their age from anyone so we knew what each age looked like.

Several years ago, when I was stepping into that new world of online dating after my divorce, I had to complete a profile that included your age and recent photographs. I was 64 and could see from those dating sites that being an older woman was not to my advantage. A couple of female friends who were in their late thirties suggested I shave off a few years “because you don’t look your age.” While I knew they were trying to encourage me, I didn’t want to start with a lie. Eventually, you’d have to “fess up.” They thought you could always correct it later after the man got to know you. I maintained if he didn’t like me at my real age, then he wasn’t for me anyway.

Once I started the process of “meet-up dates” with guys from online, I saw that hedging on your age must not be unusual. One man I met for coffee, wouldn’t have been recognizable from the pic that was likely 10 years old. Another guy who’d told me he was 72–which was pushing the limit of the age range I’d indicated, admitted that he would soon be 75. Women weren’t the only ones trying to hide their age!

It was ironic, that after several years of online dating, many one-and-done and a couple that lasted most of a year, I met Chris, who’d never been on an online dating site. We were at a Tuesday night Blues Jam in Durham. We were sitting around a table talking with a group of musicians and dancers. One musician referred to a song that came out the year he was born: 1970. Some of us laughed and said we were in high school, college, or the military when that young fellow came on the scene. Chris told his age and he was 8 years younger than me. Oh well, I’d thought. I can dance with a younger man.

But as time went on, our relationship grew and now we’ve been a couple for over two years. I was surprised by this development in this later stage in life. But Mama said all stages have their good things and this is one of them for me.

Now, I anticipate my birthday and while I’m accepting that getting older has its challenges, it also has its rich rewards. I look forward to celebrating turning 71 with my grandsons who’ll tease “You’re an Old Granny” then break out in laughter, with my sons and daughter-in-law, and with Chris who makes me feel young.

I am richly blessed.

Connie