On this Valentine’s weekend, I was looking back at my journal from several years ago. It was a hard time and I was feeling the weight of being alone. I wrote, “Discouraged to be facing another Valentine’s and have nobody.” I’d been off the online dating sites for over six months and was at the point of needing to do something about my situation. I opened an account with a new dating site and fired up another profile. In reading through the advice about what types of pictures to share, choosing colors that flattered, that showed your energy, the big suggestion was “Wear Red.” I knew that a blue-red was one of my best colors, unlike an orangey-red that brought out the yellow undertones in my skin. Reds had always sparked instant happiness in me–whether it was a red blouse, lipstick, or fingernail polish.

I called my friend, Delores and invited her to join me for lunch and to be my photographer. We’ve known each other since 9th grade and we have lots of fun memories from our teenage years. She was perfect and could make me smile or laugh just bringing up boys we knew and times ‘ridin’ around’ Hardee’s in Sanford or the Tastee Freeze in the neighboring town of Lillington. I had different pics in red from sitting in the restaurant booth in a red sweater to posing on my steps in my red dance dress. I had a fond memory of dancing at the Elk’s Lodge in that dress. They played the song, “The Lady in Red” and one of the guys I’d enjoyed dancing–and flirting with, asked me to dance.

“I’ve always wanted to dance with a lady to that song,” he said. “Especially one looking nice in a red dress.” He chuckled–always a gentleman and a good lead.

It was several months after my husband and I’d separated but I continued to wear my wedding band. I would wait until the right time to take it off. Only one girlfriend at the Elk’s dance knew about my separation.

When the song ended, we stood at the edge of the dance floor. He tapped my wedding band with his finger and said, “I’d never try to move in on a woman wearing one of those” his way of saying he respected marriage.

Better keep that band on for a while, I thought. I liked dancing with him but wasn’t sure I’d want to be anything more than a Sunday night dance partner. Just a few months into our separation, thoughts of entering the dating world were overwhelming. I hadn’t dated since I was twenty-two; how did a Baby Boomer who was 64 re-enter that world?

With the pics Delores took on that Valentine’s Day, I loaded them to my page on eHarmony. Within 24-hours, I was messaging with a new prospect. Those initial messaging sessions were always a boost, sparking a bit of hope about a potential relationship–or at least a date. Sometimes it worked out that way, and other times that guy would just disappear. Overall, the process could be like riding an emotional roller coaster.

While I wanted to find love again, I knew deep within that I loved myself, I was loved by others, and most of all, God loved me and cared about my life. It wasn’t that I was needy and had to have a man; it was that I’d always wanted a close, loving relationship.

In online dating, or just dating in my sixties, I found that the conversation quickly got to, “What are you wanting now in a relationship?” That was never a question we discussed when dating in our teens and early twenties. After dating one man a couple of times, we had that conversation and we didn’t want the same thing. We’d had some good talks and remained friends and dance partners on Sunday nights.

One week, after it had been months since we’d seen each other, he asked me, “Connie, are you happy?”

I knew where he was going with that question.

“Yes, I’m happy,” I responded. “But I’m not as happy as I could be.”

We talked and I told him about a recent break-up with a man that I’d been hopeful about, thinking we may have a future together.

Finally, in November of ’23, I met Chris at the Blues Jam at the Blue Note Grill. He was interesting, handsome, and it was fun dancing with him. I just thought I was meeting a new friend in that Blues Community and expected we would have fun dancing and that would be the extent of it. But over time, I came to see that there was so much more to our relationship. Now, it’s been two years as a couple and I’m celebrating Valentine’s with him.

This Valentine’s I realize that I don’t have to have anyone to know that I’m loved. But it is special to have him in my life and know “I’m as happy as I can be.” I still love wearing that red dance dress that makes me feel alive and ready to dance.

Whether you’re with somebody this Valentine’s or with nobody, either way you are loved and are enough. And if it makes you feel happy, Wear Red!

Connie