This week I noticed some of the impact of being an older person. An over-the-counter med for allergies that has worked for years, and never resulted in disturbing side effects, briefly caused me to have a fast, irregular heart rhythm. I remembered back to November when I had an Upper Respiratory Infection. Previously, I would have recovered in 7 -10 days but this last time it took me twice as long. You read the precautions on meds and hear the cautions about illnesses for how they impact the “elderly”, but it takes a while for me, now 70 years old, to realize, “They’re talking about me.”
I’ve reached a more vulnerable stage of life. Some of that gets me down, but then I remember how fortunate I was, as a retired person, not to have to get out in the ice storm we had last weekend. I didn’t have the pressure of those who are working, or parents with school-age children who would miss another day with parents scrambling to handle work while keeping their kids engaged with remote learning. I just got to enjoy more time with my grandsons for my son to work.
Wednesday, after five days of being at home, the ice had cleared enough that I could safely get out to shop. Part of being older is realizing that falls have greater consequences and preventing them is a priority. Fortunately, most of the store parking lots were cleared. When I completed the must-have shopping, I treated myself with a visit to Barnes and Nobel Bookstore. I’d held onto a gift card wanting to spend leisurely time in the nearby renovated store. There were nook-like areas devoted to various genres of books, gifts for readers, children’s puzzles and games, and a large relaxed cafe area. It wasn’t like the tight space I remembered that could be noisy.
With nothing else scheduled, I had time to walk about the new store and take it in, checking out each section. Years ago, a section would call me–to purchase a book that was either a novel or self-help, or a journal that had an artistic binding that was pricey but seemed worth it. At one time I was in a creative phase of experimenting with various mixed media. Browsing the store, I saw a kit with everything included for making a vision board. In the past, I would likely have been pulled to one of those items and would happily take home my new purchase for the next journey of discovery.
But this time at Barnes and Noble, it was different; walking around the store, I felt a peacefulness, a satisfaction inside; I didn’t need any of those things that formerly would have interested me. I had explored those avenues and now I didn’t need them in my life. I still had a gift card and finally settled on a National Parks tote bag. I’d been to several of those parks, and while I’d like to see the others, I didn’t feel like I had to in order to be satisfied.
Recently, a guy I was talking with said sometimes he had FOMO–the fear of missing out. Sometimes he’d schedule too many activities because he didn’t want to miss an opportunity. I most identified with that tendency when I was on my solo journeys. In a new place that you may never visit again, it’s easy to plan too much from the “Must See, Must Do” places and activities that you read about.
What drives us to a Fear of Missing Out?
In an article in a Cleaveland Clinic publication, “How the Fear of Missing Out Affects Your Health” by health psychologist, Amy Sullivan defines FOMO:
“FOMO, or the fear of missing out, refers to the feeling or perception that other people are having fun, experiencing new things or living a better life than you.”
She notes that this is most common with the people in your circle “but can also occur with parasocial relationships. When you see people you don’t know but follow on social media doing really cool things you wish you were doing, it can have a lasting impact on how you feel about yourself.”
I had a couple of friends to recently post pictures of their trips to sunny Caribbean beaches while we were back home dealing with single digit temps. I honestly felt I was missing out, but then tried to shift to remembering that was their life and I had mine. We are on different paths and that’s okay.
When I walked through the bookstore, I didn’t feel a sadness or longing to be at those earlier years and phases of my life. There was a peaceful acceptance that I’d gotten what I needed, learned the lessons of those ages, and now it was okay to let go. Now, I had fewer things that were a priority–namely my close relationships and writing; I could draw in and focus with more intention. The energy that I have at seventy must be used wisely.
I understand why in our current culture, FOMO could be a big problem given our 24/7 access to so many social media platforms and network and streaming services. Now, more than ever, it’s important to draw inward–no matter your age, to see what is right for you.
When I was searching for an item to purchase with my gift card, I saw the tote bag with the saying, “So Many Books, So Little Time.” Once I would have bought that feeling like I would never get to read all those books that held new worlds of discovery. But now I think, we have the time we’re supposed to have and who’s to say that’s not enough? Now, I let books come to me that show up my path, what I’ve referred to as “the right book at the right time.”
I did buy the National Parks tote and said to myself that it would be perfect for carrying writing and reading materials. By showing the parks I haven’t been to, it wouldn’t be a trigger for FOMO. If I’m supposed to go to any of those parks, it will fall naturally into my life like the ones I’ve seen.
Hoping that you’re finding the right activities for your life and letting go of any FOMO.
Connie
Resource:
Connie Rosser Riddle 