This week I found myself bumping into challenges, wondering how much of what I was feeling was related to growing older. My nature has been to push forward, no matter what, because that’s how you make things happen, how you achieve your goals. While I’ve been retired for over two years, no longer with the time constraints of a working woman, I still maintain my nature of being a goal-setter. Last Wednesday, I found myself without the usual urge to get up and get going; I slept late and had no energy or enthusiasm for dancing that evening–my plan written in my appointment book. I looked for a reason: was I getting sick? allergies kicking in? headache starting from the increase in humidity?

I moved about slowly that morning and thought about the day before me. What did I want to do? Remembering back to my Nurse Coaching class in 2015, we helped clients look closely at their energy—how a choice felt in their bodies instead of relying on their logical minds. When I thought of the energy required to get ready, drive into Raleigh in late afternoon traffic, socialize/dance for several hours–I felt exhausted. But when I considered staying home, watching a movie and finishing my embroidery project, I felt myself relax, drawn to that choice.

Some of you may be thinking, “Well, yeah” of course you can do that. I have friends who are retired and they are used to waking up and just seeing how the day unfolds. I admire their spontaneity—but for my sixty-nine years, that just hasn’t been my nature 😦

Wednesday turned out to be a great day. After I made the decision to rest that evening, I was more relaxed all day. I didn’t push things; instead I went with the flow and accepted my energy level. In retrospect, I had been very active the days before and my tiredness may have reflected me being out of balance. Sometimes I need to show myself more grace because I’m not as young as I sometimes feel 🙂

I need to keep this in mind at all times but more so as we approach the holidays. Life for many of us is already full of ongoing activities and it could be easy to feel overwhelmed at how to add on more. There are so many choices that we could get lost in all the overstimulation that is an ongoing condition of our time.

Thinking about self-care especially during the upcoming holidays, I found an article with suggestions of things to keep things in balance: “20 tips for Self-Care: How to Bring Your Best self to the Holidays.” https://www.healthcoachinstitute.com/. Even the notion of 20 tips seemed to be too much. When I read through the twenty, there were three that resonated with me:

“Say No”  This definitely applies to everyday as well as the holidays. “say yes to the things that are most important to you“, “be kind to yourself, guard your time, politely decline anything that drains you or feels stressful.” Sometimes we’ve been so used to doing the same things that are traditions, meeting the expectations of others, that we don’t stop and say to ourselves, “What do I need?” “What do I want?”

When my children were young, I remember popular articles on “Making Memories” for your family. While the intention was good, sometimes it made for a lot of pressure–especially for mothers’ who orchestrate those memory-making-traditions. And we all witness those Hallmark-Movie-type of examples that have perfectly cleaned and decorated homes, dinners, cookies, with everyone wearing beautiful holiday outfits. I like the suggestion from the 20 Tips to “Ditch the Perfection Mentality.” It sets you up for a lot of stress and disappointment.” “Be okay with having an authentic, “good enough” one. I’ve tried to decrease my own perfectionism and have found that response “good enough” is very useful.

“Carve Out Time for Self-Care” “When you are crazy busy is when you need self-care most.” “Make sure to schedule time for you this holiday season. I’m just now getting to a point in life where I’m aware of this daily need and see self-care as a necessity— not a luxury. I know that I’m the only one who can be sure to take care of me.

I hope that as we approach the holidays, you will consider what you need to take care of yourself and find ways to make that part of your daily practice.

Blessings to you,

Connie